Apparently,
I am going through The Change.
And I’m
kind of anxious to see how I turn out when it’s all over. Maybe I’ll finally be
energetic, optimistic, and send birthday cards on time! I wonder if I’ll stop
worrying, and lose my voracious appetite, and start to like to exercise…Oh the
possibilities!
However, I
have to admit, that most days the evidence doesn’t support the realization of these
hopeful transformations.
I’ve heard
that some women display Jezebel-like behaviors as they go through The Change. Some
seem to lose touch with reality, and create conflicts wherever they go. These
incidents are usually reported by someone who also says, “She was never like
this before!!”
I’ve always
been kind of afraid of that happening to me…And I’m not sure that it has, or
hasn’t – because the overwhelming feeling I have at this time is not malice,
but one of being fed up. Yes – just fed up. I’m over it. Not my circus; not my
monkeys. Nothing to prove and nothing to lose...I won’t be dropping everything
to work on your problem.
My new mantra:
I’m going through The Change, and things are gonna be different around here!
I submit
that these “Jezebels” just might be women who have been stuffing it for many
years and finally decide to speak their mind -- and damn the torpedoes! They
say what they see, and don’t sugarcoat it anymore. They register an opinion,
and don’t cede their intended plan to the perceived common good. They object,
and don’t worry about feelings. They pick up and pursue goals they have left on
the back burner for years.
And the
people around them are surprised, bewildered, and say “She was never like this
before!”
Sorry to
rock your world, people…but I am
like this now. And it’s not so much about what I’m doing, as it is about what I
am NOT doing anymore. I’m done with measuring myself by others’ standards. I
will live by my own convictions, and not always strive to be acceptable to the
elusive and changing values of the world. I have gained a thing called
confidence, and I don’t have time to mess around anymore. Life is for living,
not for wishing…And that means accepting what is, and dealing.
And that means,
dear loved ones, you have to deal with me too.
Here’s
hoping you can see beyond the surprise, and not think of me as Jezebel…And here’s
hoping that I retain a little tact even as I accomplish The Change.
Because,
you know: total depravity and all that. It’s still a bad mix with hormones.
